that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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