...so i touched it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
