Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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