At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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