It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
