as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
only you would photoshop your dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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