how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No subtext here. People are naked.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
