that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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