Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
