drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
