i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
