HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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