Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
