when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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