Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
