masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
