i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
