Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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