Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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