your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
