Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Acid is not a monday night drug
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
