I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
