KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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