sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
