i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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