and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
