help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
