i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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