I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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