you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
