he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
