Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
