I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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