i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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