Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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