i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
