Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
