I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
