did you get engaged???
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
