I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
