so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
