So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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