wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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