Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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