What a fucking waste of an outfit
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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