I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
