you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
