i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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