Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
