I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
