I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
