I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
