youre lurking in front of me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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